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Arr! Tryin' ter get away eh? Well ye'll never sneak past me, I'm the best lookout this crew has ever seen!1,175
Who goes there?783
Ye cheeky begger! I was wavin' my finger at ye!739
Hey! What are you doing out there?732
Well Cap'n Donnie said no livin' landlubbers were allowed out of the compound.731
Arrr... just 'cos me body happens to be 50% wood does not mean I'm heartless.723
Arr! A landlubber!706
Begone afore I take my cutlass to ye! I've been charged with guardin' this gate and no noodle-armed landlubbers will make it past me alive!615
I got a bag of 'em here. Wanna see?598
So get yerself back in here, or yer for it!572
What kind of a question is that?215
Don't make me angry! Ye'll not like me when I'm angry!154
Let that be a lesson to ye!153
Ye expect me to talk?148
Hah! I'm one step ahead of ye!147
No. Just...no.141
The Cap'n would have me whittled down to toothpicks if I did.129
It gets worse...114
But on the good side, all my thrashin' and pained squealin' settled the matter in the Captain's mind, and he had the shipwright carve me half a body out of his Witchwood Planks.114
Tis a special, magical wood from a now extinct tree.114
But anyway, I got recruited to the zombie pirates along with the rest of the crew in an unspecified incident involvin this albatross.113
Arr! That it be!113
Well, it all starts with this albatross...112
Twas kind of hard for me to tell which, as I was well out of it by then!110
Regardless I toppled from the crows nest into the water.110
I can't tell ye lad.110
Wait, never mind, I'll skip forward a bit.109
Well, we hit either a really rough wave or some rocks.109
We was sailin' along happily, and I was partakin' of a little 'rum' in the crows nest.108
What happened next was that I discovered a new, previously uncharted reef of hard, spiky coral.108
I managed to grab a hold of our ship, the Inebriated, as it passed overhead.108
Once they nailed it all in place the stuff moves like it is part of me body.108
Look, lad I'm not tellin' ye a thing! So clear out while ye still can!108
To this day it is still marked on our fleet's charts as The Other 50% Reef.107
When they hauled what was left of me on deck, they dropped me onto the floor while they decided what to do with me.107
So, that be the tale of how I managed to lose precisely 50% of my body.107
Bear in mind this would be on a ghost ship, the planks of which sweat a thick mixture of stagnant water...and pure salt crystals.104
I made a mental note of its location, and to this day it is still marked on our fleet's charts as Lukes Reef.101
The stuff will also grow back if it breaks, which is dead handy!100
And then I discovered another, taller, spikier reef of even sharper and more painful coral.99
That be a tale so heart-wrenchin' that it has so far wrenched the hearts from over a dozen sturdier men than thee!94
Hmmmm...well alright...91
A tale of such woe that none but the stoniest hearts can hear it without sheddin' a single, poignant tear...86
Wait, no!81
Well ye seem like a lad that can handle such a tale...so I'll tell ye...80
I have to lad, Cap'n Donnie will flay what little is left of me if I told ye.80
No lad!78
Get goin' landlubber before I take my splintery foot to yer behind!73
And I'll never tell ye, not even if ye wore an item, such as a ring, with powers of mind control!72
Ye've got that right!62
Well ye seem like a lass that can handle such a tale...so I'll tell ye...38
I have to lass, Cap'n Donnie will flay what little is left of me if I told ye.38
No lass!38
I can't tell ye lass.34
Look, lass I'm not tellin' ye a thing! So clear out while ye still can!32
Ye'll have te do better than that, landlubber!29