messagecount
Wow! You were incredible!5,752
Of course! Which bit can't you remember doing?4,766
The way you defeated the Culinaromancer, you made it seem so easy!4,419
Please tell me how many cannons there are.3,390
Cheers!3,346
I've always wondered how many cannons the castle has. Could you find out for me?3,340
The pirate? Yes, you used fishcakes didn't you?2,827
Well done.2,539
Seriously, you were great! I can't believe I nearly caused all of those people to be killed!1,966
Great! You're back!1,771
Here you are.1,725
Did you want a reminder on any other of your brave exploits?1,691
Hello friend, how is the adventuring going?1,666
Did you bring the ingredients I asked for?1,540
What am I to do?1,535
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, I'm in a terrible terrible mess! It's the Duke's birthday today, and I should be making him a lovely big birthday cake.1,427
You had best go and have a word with him to see if he can tell you what happened.1,418
As for the grinding part, all you have to do is use a pestle and mortar on it, that ought to get it sorted.1,388
Oh thank you, thank you. I need milk, an egg and flour. I'd be very grateful if you can get them for me.1,384
Remember, I need an eye of newt, a glass of greenman's ale, a rotten tomato, and a 'Dirty Blast'!1,378
You've brought me everything I need! I am saved! Thank you!1,333
I'm afraid not, only the big cheeses get to dine with the Duke.1,333
Maybe, but I won't be holding my breath.1,332
I'm not entirely sure. What am I, an encyclopedia?1,267
Ok.1,251
Great! Just like before! I've been reading the recipe and I know how to make the fishcakes now.1,174
Yes. I thought that there was a page missing from the cookbook because it seemed so easy, but it turns out it really IS that easy!1,171
Ah yes! Why, I was so impressed with that recipe you created that I memorised it!1,170
But of course! It was an unusual dish, an unusual dish indeed! First you blend together, in a pot, some milk and some cream. Then add cornflour to the mixture.1,167
Oh, you told me you used sweetcorn in a mill!1,163
Then you travelled to the Kharazi Jungle and searched the plants there until you found a vanilla stick, which was then added to the mixture.1,161
Yes, but then came the impressive part!1,158
Oh yes. You were quite adamant about it. Specifically black dragons. Specifically near the Evil Chicken's lair.1,154
Ooooh dear, I might have, but it's all very embarrassing...1,110
Weeellll... You know I told you that it was the Duke's birthday?1,107
You absolutely MUST go through into the dining room just there and see the feast I have prepared.1,104
Yeeeesssss... Weeeelllll...1,099
Well, if you use a pestle and mortar on a raw cod that will grind it up nicely.1,092
I needed to test you and see if I could trust you...1,086
Well, you're obviously trustworthy, I guess I could tell you...1,068
Well... It's like this...1,066
Oooooh no.... You don't understand...1,061
Well, they are common enough ingredients, although I must admit the recipe I am following is very strange indeed...1,061
Well, he was a great chef, and also my ancestor.1,060
(sniff) Weeeeelll... I thought that I would recreate the meal Franizzard cooked all of those years ago, the one that impressed1,060
Yes! However did you know?1,060
Well, I have always felt like a failure as a cook, and that my job here is down to the skills of my ancestor.1,059
Well, I have an incredibly important banquet that I have to prepare for, and I am using an ancient cookbook to recreate the meal my famous ancestor made a hundred years ago.1,052
I need the following ingredients as soon as possible!1,051
I've forgotten to buy the ingredients. I'll never get them in time now. He'll sack me! What will I do? I have four children and a goat to look after. Would you help me? Please?1,036
Well, Murphy used to bring in Giant Crabs occasionally. He hasn't had any of them in for a while though.1,027
I'll have a look through my cookbook while I wait for the ingredients.1,013
That's easy, all you do is use a knife to slice the bread up into tiny, tiny chunks.1,010
Very well done, take this.985
Fishcakes? As in with fish eggs and fish milk?949
Of course.948
Found it!946
No problem!940
Is there anything else you need to know?931
With the foods, and that big portal thingy, and everything!916
There are apparently some kelp patches off the coast near Rimmington. Murphy knows more about that.912
I simply won't take no for an answer!903
What, er, who is this? Is it a cave goblin?891
Well, er, pleased to meet you, Zanik.881
It was worth a try.869
It's pretty simple actually. All you have to do is use the ingredients on each other and then cook the fishcakes on a range.854
Oh no, it's terrible, isn't it? There was rock dust everywhere, it got on all my ingredients!852
After that you told me that you sought out and killed the fearsome Evil Chicken, to get one of his eggs, which was then mixed with the other ingredients.837
Apparently, a creme brulee supreme needs to be flambed at exactly the right temperature, and the only fire that is hot enough to do this is the breath of a dragon. Luckily, while killing black dragons near the Evil834
I am in a terrible pickle, and I desperately need somebody trustworthy to help me out!823
Most of the ingredients I was able to obtain fairly easily, but there were some... oddities... that I have been unable to lay my hands on.811
Apparently you need Ground Cod, Ground Kelp, Ground Giant Crab Meat and Breadcrumbs.808
Chicken's lair, you came across a method of forcing a dragon to your will so that it would complete the dish, which you then used to protect Sir Amik!807
Finally you made some cinnamon by grinding the branch of a Dramen Tree and sprinkled it on top of the creme brulee.794
It isn't. I don't even know when his birthday is!781
of his descendants.756
And a glass of greenman's ale.755
Did you ever hear of Franizzard Van Lumbcook?746
But to do that... (sigh) No, it just won't work...742
How are you getting on with finding the ingredients?738
This big important secret meeting that Franizzard cooked for is held here in Lumbridge castle every 10 years, and tonight will be the tenth anniversary of it!720
Please can you help me? The feast is scheduled to start very soon, and I simply cannot leave!714
I'm just glad you were around, who knows WHAT could have happened if you weren't able to help us!711
Sorry, sir, I can't work any more until you pay me my 3,000 coins.710
I want to prove to the world that I am a great cook too!707
One Eye Of Newt A freshly made 'Dirty Blast' A rotten tomato705
One hundred years ago there was a very important meeting held here in Lumbridge Castle, and he cooked a banquet for the meeting, which was so stupendously amazing that he was offered a job for life, along with all703
Thank you, sir.702
I will pay you upfront for any expenses you may incur while obtaining them, and of course you may keep the change for being so helpful to me.700
That's an odd coincidence... Were you planning on making a cake too?693
everybody so much... There's just this small problem though...692
Well thank you! Hand them over, please.689
I have given you 100 coins to cover any expenses you may incur, feel free to keep the change.689
In fact, it's a good thing I met you. It's the Duke's birthday today, and I should be making him a lovely big birthday cake. I need eggs, flour and milk...658
Well, they're not exactly exotic, they're just the basic ingredients of a cake.634
Oh, and there are apparently some kelp patches off the coast near Rimmington. Murphy knows about that too.622
Well, er...617
Murphy also used to bring in Giant Crabs occasionally. He hasn't had any of them in for a while though.573
Come back and see me when you've got everything I need!416
You really got my bacon out of the fire there!410
I suppose you want me to bring back one of those.243
Last night I was in the kitchen and I heard a noise from the cellar. I opened the trapdoor and saw a creature dart into a hole in the wall.242
Thank you, %USERNAME%! If you can convince the Duke I'm telling the truth then we can get to the bottom of this mystery.240
Hey, who said you could use that?227
It looked a bit like a goblin, but it had big bulging eyes. It wasn't wearing armour, but it had this odd helmet with a light on it.215
The tunnel was too dark for me to follow it, so I went to tell the Duke. But when we went down to the cellar the hole had been blocked up, and no one believes me.190
You're not aristocracy but I suppose you'd do. Do you want a good cook for 3000 coins?176
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take the last item because your hands are full!168
Hello again adventurer! How's the adventuring going?164
What now?156
No, I'm not. The world is caving in around me - I am overcome by dark feelings of impending doom.154
If you insist on using a talented cook as a mere courier! What do you need?144
No, honestly, you MUST go in there!136
And why haven't you gone and looked at the feast I have prepared yet?130
The dwarf? Oh, yeah, I think that was an easy one, didn't you say?128
You went to see his dad in the tunnels under white wolf mountain, and then got some rock cakes, if I remember rightly.125
Sorry, madam, I can't work any more until you pay me my 3,000 coins.125
Glad to hear it.124
There is a Mill fairly close, go North and then West. Mill Lane Mill is just off the road to Draynor. I usually get my flour from there.124
Thank you, madam.121
One of Gielinor's finest chefs reduced to a builder's mate. All right, I'll be back soon.120
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 2 items because your hands are full!119
Yes, I must admit I had never heard of it either until reading through my ancestor's cookbook.118
*sniff* Don't talk to me about cakes...116
Trust me, it will be a sight the likes of which you will never see again!113
Oh MAN! That was AWESOME!105
Certainly. Everyone knows that Skrach loves Jubbly Chompy, preferably roasted on a spit! The bird's carcass is so big, it can't be cooked any other way.103
Well come back when you have all of them! And hurry! It is a VERY important meeting!101
Tell me, do you know how to make a Fruit Blast?99
What do you want? I'm busy!97
Well, that was a weird one alright, you told me that they couldn't agree on what food they liked, so you ended up just mushing a bunch of stuff together somehow which seemed to do the trick.93
Well, it was something that sounded ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING that you picked up on Ape Atoll...93
After you managed to save all of the members of the secret council with those weird foods, the culinaromancer tried to make a run for it, but you followed him into his magic portal and Biff! Bang! Boom!93
I normally get my eggs from the Groats' farm, on the other side of the river.93
GO IN THERE!91
I refuse to carry more than 16 items!88
There is a cattle field on the other side of the river, just across the road from the Groats' Farm.86
sorted him out once and for all!84
Ah, so you've heard of it then? But for this recipe I'd need a fresh one; you can't just buy me one from a shop or from your friends.84
Apparently the ash reacts with the freshly squeezed juice in the glass. It means you can't just buy one Blurberry made earlier, you'll have to make it yourself.80
Did you ever know that you're my hero?79
Ooh dear, yes I do! It's the Duke of Lumbridge's birthday today, and I need to bake him a cake!78
I wouldn't know much about that, but I believe you talked to Rantz quite a bit over in the Feldip hills. Apparently, he got you to do him quite a few favours before you actually got the Jubbly.78
Talk to Gillie Groats, she looks after the Dairy cows - she'll tell you everything you need to know about milking cows!77
I need you to bring me some eggs, some flour, some milk and a chocolate bar...76
But any chicken should lay eggs.76
I'm sorry? How do you mean?76
WHAT?76
I know I'm such a failure... I bring shame to my honourable ancestor, and now I need help again...75
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 3 items because your hands are full!74
Nah, not really, I'm just messing with you! Thanks for all your help, I know I can count on you again in the future!74
Ah well, at least you keep coming back to life!71
That's the spirit!71
Talk to Millie, she'll help, she's a lovely girl and a fine Miller. Make sure you take a pot with you for the flour though, there should be one on the table in here.71
Go ahead - it's a very good range. It's easier to use than most other ranges.71
That would cost 4000 coins, you know!71
Hah! You just don't appreciate a culinary artist!70
Well, a 'Dirty Blast' is a freshly made Fruit Blast, but then for some reason you add ash at the end!70
Okay, do you want me to take those to the sawmill, or the bank?65
Its called the Cook-o-matic 100. It uses a combination of state of the art temperature regulation and magic.64
You mean you didn't check it out yet?60
Well, that's what the salesman told us anyway...60
Alright, sir. I can start work immediately.59
I really think you should, it seems to be some kind of magical cooking chest, I found a bunch of food in it earlier, along with a bunch of weird looking kitchen equipment and some snazzy gloves!54
Err... Try looking in your pocket?52
Of course I do! It was amazing!52
You'll need an empty bucket for the milk itself. The general store just north of the castle will sell you one for a couple of coins.49
Well, as the official sponsored drink of Castle Wars it might be worth looking around there.49
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 4 items because your hands are full!49
Only if you give it to me, you fool!46
You seem to have some on you now, so I'll assume that you are joking.45
Thanks for ingredients you have got so far, please get the rest quickly. I'm running out of time! The Duke will throw me into the streets!44
Talk to Millie, she'll help, she's a lovely girl and a fine Miller. Make sure you take a pot with you for the flour though, you've got one on you already.44
Hmm, I don't think that's right.43
Please get the ingredients quickly. I'm running out of time! The Duke will throw me into the streets!41
You jumped in right behind him and fought him to the death!38
I'm not entirely sure, but I hear they're sold for public spectacles.38
Yeah. Pre-arranged combats, caught thieves on show, that sort of thing.37
Oh no! You told me it was really hard, and that you had to defeat a string of monsters without any prayer!35
What do you want?34
That would cost 2000 coins, you know!33
Oh, you told me that that crazy wizard in the wizards' tower helped you with that.32
No, not really. I think you might have mentioned the name Traiborn though.32
Oh yeah! I didn't understand that one myself, but apparently you went and asked him how he likes his stew, then made him remember it after he'd tasted it!32
Yeah, I didn't understand it either, but you mentioned something about demonic incursions and evil cats too!32
Err thank you. It's a pretty ordinary cooks hat really.32
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 5 items because your hands are full!32
I don't know. A newt's face?31
I suppose you want me to take that to the bank?30
Ah, I don't know where they get them, they usually have them at herblore and magic shops.30
Of course I can! Give me some logs and I'll fetch the planks for you.29
One of Gielinor's finest chefs reduced to a courier. All right, I'll be back soon.29
Ah, well, they're a popular Gnomic delicacy served at the Blurberry bar. But for this recipe I'd need a fresh one; you can't just buy me one from a shop or from your friends.27
I absolutely refuse to carry more than 16 items!27
Basically, what you do is juice a pineapple, an orange and a lemon, then put them all into a cocktail shaker.26
Its all standard cook's issue uniform...26
I am a real cook! I haven't got time to be chatting about Culinary Fashion. I am in desperate need of help!26
You could try locating the source of that crabby smell from your inventory..25
Pour that into a glass, then top with a slice of lemon.25
Well, apparently after you have done the above then by adding ashes you create a unique new drink.25
You'll need an empty bucket for the milk itself. I do see you've got a bucket with you already luckily!25
You fool! You don't have any in your bank!24
Alright, madam. I can start work immediately.24
I agree, but it's what the recipe specifically needs.23
Bear in mind it will only work with very fresh ingredients, so you will have to make your own cocktail, not rely on one of the pre made ones Blurberry sells.22
I suppose I could sell you some cabbage, if you're willing to pay for it. Cabbage is good for you.21
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 8 items because your hands are full!18
I, sir, am the finest cook in all Gielinor! I can also make good time going to the bank or the sawmill.17
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 6 items because your hands are full!17
Fine. I always knew you Adventurer types were callous beasts. Go on your merry way!16
I told you about the creature I saw. You should go and tell the Duke.16
What? No! Go away.15
Have you tried looking in your backpack?15
Can you give me any free money?14
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 7 items because your hands are full!14
A cup of tea? Is THAT all?13
Why should I give you free food?13
I don't want to, that's why! Now, leave me alone.13
Yet you keep talking to me!13
Yes, do us both a favour.13
Honestly! I go to all this trouble to fetch something and you don't even want it!13
I used to be the cook for the old Duke of Lumbridge. Visiting dignitaries praised me for my fine banquets!11
Your tea. Do you want me to put milk in it for you as well?11
Ohhh, if you insist...10
What did the half-wit say to the cook?10
I distinctly remember you saying you were going to stop talking to me. Yet here you are again, yakking on and on in my earhole when I'm trying to cook! What do you want now?10
Why do you think I work in a disreputable inn filled with rough scoundrels on the very edge of the Wilderness? I work here because I need the job!10
Well, the way I remember it you walked out of here, came back a little later to ask how fishcakes are made, and then went and freed Pirate Pete with one.10
But then someone found a rule that said that only one family could hold that post.10
How dare you? I put a lot of effort into cleaning this kitchen. My daily sweat and elbow-grease keep this kitchen clean!9
Oh, just leave me alone.9
It's a deal. Now, make sure you eat it all up. Cabbage is good for you.9
Excellent! Those fishcakes are exactly the same as the ones you used to protect Pirate Pete from the Culinaromancer's spell before!9
Like it? It's sucked the warmth and humanity out of me, and I've become a hollow shell holding nothing but anger, misery and gourmet recipes.8
What did you expect to hear? I suppose you expected me to tell you an inspiring story about how working here can teach you to find hope in the darkest places, or how to see the best in everything?8
Well, get those fancy ideas out of your head. Out here you've got nothing but your armour and muscle to protect you from the endless dark and the screaming hordes coming to kill you!8
Bah! I'm not letting it defeat me. Now, let me concentrate on my cooking.8
Overnight I was fired and replaced by some fool who can't even bake a cake without help!8
He said 'Can you tell me any good jokes?' Got ya! Hahahaha!7
Of course, sir! After you've tasted my cooking you'll never want to eat anywhere else!7
I, madam, am the finest cook in all Gielinor! I can also make good time going to the bank or the sawmill.7
Admittedly that is the simple version, but the excitement of the final showdown overshadowed that particular adventure.6
I can't give you the money you will need to purchase ingredients if you don't have any room for it!6
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 10 items because your hands are full!5
Come back and see me when you have some free space!5
I guess I don't have anything more to say to you then.5
Hmph! I don't work for just anyone, you know! I refuse to work for someone who's below level 30 Construction!4
Good day, madam.4
No, that's the worst thing I could do. I'd get in terrible trouble.4
That would be nice, but the Duke doesn't allow holidays for core staff.4
My wife gets sea sick, and I have an irrational fear of eyepatches. I don't see it working myself.4
I know I'm doomed.4
Bah! People these days only appreciate junk food.4
Would you like a drink?4
Because you can't be bothered to? A fine friend you are!4
I don't want bank-notes pal, I need the ingredients to cook with!4
That would cost 8000 coins, you know!4
She said 'Can you tell me any good jokes?' Got ya! Hahahaha!3
Why are you asking me to sell you food if you haven't got any money? Go away!3
342, null:305, 56. You do not know me.3
And I suppose you'll want me to clean up after your drunken friends as well?3
There you go.3
Are you having a laugh? No cash up front, no cook.3
Great! When you've cooked those up, they'll be exactly the same as the ones you used to save Pirate Pete before!3
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 13 items because your hands are full!3
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 16 items because your hands are full!3
And what will I do if I can't get back in here when I'm done? Your bank is full!3
I refuse to handle those unhygenic bones!3
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 9 items because your hands are full!3
Oh nooooo... What am I going to do now?2
Oooohhh... I really hope you do...2
You don't own a dining table for me to serve the food on! Honestly, how can I work in a house like this?2
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 11 items because your hands are full!2
Of course, madam! After you've tasted my cooking you'll never want to eat anywhere else!2
That would cost 24000 coins, you know!2
Oh dear. Well I'm sure if you try again you will get it right this time. You did it ok before, right?2
Sorry, sir, I can't work any more until you pay me my 3,000 coins. The moneybag hasn't got enough.2
How can I be expected to work without a properly equipped kitchen?2
Flowerse is in the chapel and is too busy to meet you. Can you find your own way there or would you like me to take you?1
This house not good enough for you? All right, follow me.1
That would cost 2250 coins, you know!1
That would cost 1250 coins, you know!1
That would cost 750 coins, you know!1
That would cost 3250 coins, you know!1
That would cost 1000 coins, you know!1
That would cost 250 coins, you know!1
You idiot! Your bank is so full of useless junk that nothing else will fit!1
1
Your kitchen isn't equipped even for making tea! How can you expect me to work in a place like this?1
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 15 items because your hands are full!1
I go all the way to the bank for you and then you can't even take these 12 items because your hands are full!1
That would cost 3500 coins, you know!1
That would cost 3750 coins, you know!1