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To protect our short angry friend from the culinaromancer's magics, I suggest that you seek out his father within the mountain tunnel that he guards.1,649
You will need to feed King Awowogei his favourite dish.1,590
I have to admit I'm not sure, maybe you should ask him?1,506
Hmmm... neither of them were at the previous council meeting.1,488
Yes, of course.1,474
His fondness for rock cakes could prove key in freeing him.1,464
Well you could try asking some of the other goblins in their village for ideas. You should be able to find it just to the North of Falador, unless they've decided the sky is the wrong colour there or something.1,417
%USERNAME%, I must warn you, inside that dimension you will have no assistance from the gods, and your prayers will not work at all!1,293
The goblins get through leaders so fast I find it hard to keep track. I heard the last leader died during a game of pin the tail on the basilisk.1,254
Also be aware that he will use his powers to draw upon the might of foes you have fought before, and that dimensional instability means that your lost items will be irretrievable should you die...1,243
Skrach! He'd be un-frozen in a jiffy if he just had some Jubbly.1,222
Good work %USERNAME%! I think that will be the last we'll see of him! You'd better come back now.1,219
To protect this noble knight from the magic of the culinaromancer, you will have to give him a creme brulee.1,218
Sorry...Skrach, being an ogre likes Chompies, and a real delicacy is Jubbly Chompy bird. Do you think you could get some?1,218
Now you've freed them all, I'll restart time so you can deal with the culinaromancer.1,215
TEMPUS PROCEDIT!1,213
We have broken your feeble spell! Begone!1,211
One day he'll return. You must go through the portal and finish him off.1,205
Are you going to constantly ask me questions?1,193
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have one council member left to protect!1,188
No... Like small bread crumbed fishy delicacies.1,183
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 3 council members left to protect!1,175
I believe the wise old man in Draynor has studied the Evil Chicken.1,174
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 2 council members left to protect!1,174
That is not important right now. Go! Protect Sir Amik from the magic that threatens his life, my spell will only hold so long!1,169
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 4 council members left to protect!1,167
I don't know. I am a gypsy, not a cook.1,165
That's the spirit!1,163
Ah, well, that's where it breaks down a bit you see. The only 'thing' alive which might help you get the Jubbly Chompy is the most confusing beast that Gielinor has ever known.1,149
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 5 council members left to protect!1,147
I'm afraid it is. You see...you need to go and speak to an Ogre called Rantz over in the Feldip hills.1,138
How do you feel about getting Jubbly Chompy now and freeing Skrach?1,135
The council is meant to include one dark wizard, but obviously the other members did not want to include anyone who was a real threat.1,131
To free Evil Dave you must make a stew, but it must be seasoned in a very particular way. The only way to find the recipe would be to ask someone who has tasted the stew.1,129
Remember that from the point of view of the outside world, anything you do in here has already happened. All the people here are out in the world, because from their point of view you have already rescued them.1,126
Yes. He lives in Edgeville.1,123
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 7 council members left to protect!1,118
Well, I do pity you, and wish you the best of luck!1,102
Good work adventurer, I've teleported them away to safety! You only have 6 council members left to protect!1,101
Take care, I suspect the culinaromancer will not give up so easily!1,084
Not just any creme brulee mind you, but a creme brulee supreme!1,050
Sorry I'm late...1,042
Aaargh!1,037
TEMPUS CESSIT!1,037
%USERNAME%, you must help me defeat this evil!1,037
Well, what better to help the Lumbridge Guide than a 'Cake of Guidance'. Would you like to help?1,034
Well, no worries. I'm sure if you just find something that they'll both eat then that should work. I hope.1,021
Well, I'm not too familiar with the fine details, you'll have to go and speak with Traiborn in the Wizards' Tower. He'll know what you need.1,012
Hmmm... Wait a moment, my gypsy-sense is tingling...970
Ah yes. To immunise him from the culinaromancer's attack, you will need to feed him fishcakes.962
I am a gypsy, not a cook, and again I would suggest you speak to the cook next door who will be much more helpful on such culinary matters.916
I would suggest you speak to him to get you on the right track. And tell him Bubbykins says hi.898
The situation is lost I am afraid and I understand totally if you decide not to help Skrach.893
I don't suppose it occurred to you to ask the actual cook in the room right next door to us?869
Although I happen to know that one of the ingredients is the egg of the evil chicken.865
With his mother.857
In her basement. I make no judgement about that.812
Hello there adventurer. How can I assist you?705
Err... have you forgotten about the fishcakes already?263
Oh yes? What's that then?249
...flipping hippo?247
To immunise him from the culinaromancer's attack, you will need to feed him fishcakes.245
No, no I'm quite sure that I never have.244
Certainly. That fellow over there in the chef's hat is called the Culinaromancer.242
Yes, I'm sure you have far more important things to do than SAVING THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!242
You want me to explain it again?228
(sigh) Okay then: 100 years ago, the evil food magician was defeated and banished.227
Yes I stopped time. And YOU have to do it partly because you helped release him by getting those ingredients, and partly because I am stuck here keeping the spell intact.220
Oh, unbelievably so. This is why I have limited the time bubble to this room and this room alone.218
Everything outside this room continues to flow through time. This is why outside of this room you have already defeated the Culinaromancer, and protected the218
Yes. That is why it is so important that you protect them all.217
Yes. But only outside. What you need to do now is save them in here as well, so that time can resume its normal ebb and flow.216
And try not to forget this time!216
Where time has been frozen in this room, outside it continues to flow, so this room is now currently in what we would call 'the past', meaning events inside here have already happened, and the longer time continues to flow215
Yes. You have. In the future, which is also the present, but not in the present, which is also the past.213
Yes, time travel tends to do that to people.213
Each council member will have their own unique dish that will serve to counteract the Culinaromancer's spell.213
A hundred years ago, he threatened the secret council with death, but was foiled by the quick thinking of his assistant, who managed to trap him in another dimension.211
Now, apparently the current head cook of Lumbridge decided to recreate his ancestors greatest achievement, not realising that his achievement was not a meal but a powerful food-magic, and by recreating the spell he has208
Because of you and the Lumbridge cook, he is now free.206
once and for all.204
As a result of that action, the assistant was offered a job for life as head cook of Lumbridge, for himself and all his future descendants.202
inadvertently freed the evil Culinaromancer from his prison, to wreak havoc upon this world once more.202
Naturally, when I saw what was happening, I intervened with a simple Tempus Cessit spell, so that we would have time to immunise the secret council from his attack, and so that we can defeat the Culinaromancer202
He was about to slaughter all of these people, but I stopped time so that you could protect them.193
members of the secret council.193
outside, the more removed from normal time this room becomes.192
Otherwise there will be increasing temporal pressure, and the entire universe might explode!190
Inside this room however you have not.188
Inspect the one you wish to save, and I will offer any advice I have.180
I suggest you don't worry about it too much, just make sure you protect each council member and then defeat the Culinaromancer.176
Was there anything else you wanted to ask me about?175
Ah, that would be the time dilation effect.170
Yes. As time has stopped flowing in the normal way, your eyes are playing tricks on you, as the pictures absorbed by your eyes take slightly longer to reach your brain168
As everybody knows, time flows from north to south, so my freezing time means that this room has apparently stretched slightly along its horizontal axis.162
You should make sure that's the correct recipe first.160
Don't let it worry you too much. It's just an optical illusion, the room is exactly the same size as it always has been, it just appears to be a tiny bit bigger.159
Ask me how to protect him first, otherwise you will cause a time paradox! I'm keeping an eye on you, you know!153
Remember, you need to make a particular stew for Evil Dave. Speak to him outside the time warp, because from his point of view out there you have already rescued him so he has already eaten the stew. He lives in148
I am the Gypsy. My friends call me Aris.144
than normal.144
Stop messing about and use the fishcakes on him!144
You can call me the Gypsy.142
That is correct. I live in a tent in Varrock.142
That is correct, yes.141
No, not really. Was there something else you wanted to interrogate me about?141
Skrach needs Jubbly chompy in order to be unfrozen, you'll need to talk to Rantz about how to get that. Perhaps the cook can be more helpful.136
Anything else you wanted to know?132
Certainly, forgetful hero.132
Edgeville.117
I should do, you came to see me about defeating the demon Delrith.113
Adventurer, you must hurry! You have freed the members of the secret council, but we must ensure that the Culinaromancer is defeated once and for all!105
What do you want? A prize? Use it on the Lumbridge Guide already!102
Follow him into the portal and make sure he never leaves again!100
He calls himself the Culinaromancer. He is an extremely evil man, with incredibly powerful magics.84
Yes, that's correct. Just as an Oneiromancer draws their magical powers from dreams, or a necromancer draws their strength from the energies of the dead, a Culinaromancer uses82
Do not underestimate the latent power of foodstuffs as a source of magical energy.80
Ah, it is a very old story indeed.80
Knowing of the regular meetings of the secret council here in Lumbridge, the Culinaromancer decided that he would eliminate all of them as the first step to his plans for world domination.79
Yes, those ingredients. So I hold you responsible for assisting me in ridding him of this dimension once and for all.77
Are you clear on what you have to do, or was there something you wished me to explain?77
Possibly, we might never know. As his plans were coming to fruition his assistant discovered them, and used his own magic against him, to trap him in another dimension where his powers would76
Well, the current cook of Lumbridge obviously discovered an ancient manuscript of his ancestors, and believing it to be a recipe decided to recreate the spell that banished him.76
Do not underestimate him, part of his strength lies in the fact his unique type of magical power is quite obscure, I have seen many fall before him.74
Yes. You were the one who provided the cook with the ingredients that he needed to allow the Culinaromancer to return to this dimension.72
What exactly is it that you don't understand?72
This was all a pretence, of course. As part of his duties he was allowed access to many exotic and esoteric foodstuffs. These allowed him to experiment with his magic and increase his power exponentially.70
I don't really know what he thinks.70
The people you see assembled here are the self-styled secret council of Gielinor.68
Many centuries ago, a small group from around the world of Gielinor decided that these lands needed to be directed, that it was too risky to leave the fates of this land to luck and the gods.68
No, not really. For all of their grand schemes and ideas, nothing ever gets done except every ten years they have a bit of a posh meal together and a bit of a gossip.68
food as his source of magical power.67
Which obviously seems to have opened the portal enough for him to escape back to this dimension. So this is partly your fault.65
Not only are they a fundamental life-force, but they often evoke great emotional attachment.63
A hundred years ago, he worked here in Lumbridge castle for the then Duke as a cook.63
STOP! What do you think you're doing!63
Building his power was just the first step however.61
be useless.61
You can't feed him red hot rock cakes! You'll kill him! Find a way to cool them down.59
And given that this is partly your fault, I fully expect your assistance in saving them.56
Either way I'm not prepared to let him get away with a brazen attack on anybody while I have the power to stop him.56
They decided that every 10 years they would meet to discuss current events, and shape how the world might then develop.53
I hear there's a rather chilly reception on top of a rather icy mountain.53
Go have a word with Traiborn in the Wizards' Tower, he should be able to help you out with a Cake of Guidance!41
I quite understand...20
Ask me how to protect them first, otherwise you will cause a time paradox! I'm keeping an eye on you, you know!19
Poor old Skrach...18
There's no excuse for him really...17
I really do...17
Alas, I can certainly relate to what you say. However, he deserves to be set free, the same as everyone else.16
That's not very nice. You should have more compassion.12
------------, you must help me defeat this evil!1
How's it going?1
Keep up the good work.1