messagecount
Please solve this for me. I have other things to be thinking about.3,503
Thanks %USERNAME%!3,499
Yes, you owe me some money.1,997
Want a lift to Braindeath Island?1,462
Mornin'.1,249
Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact!1,095
Your rum's got no flavour!1,089
Wonderful! Just pick up your diversion and we'll leave!1,077
Cap'n!1,074
Good news Cap'n!1,074
I found us a hero down by the docks!1,074
Aye! They also be gullible, tied up and unconscious!1,074
They were willing to help out some random stranger with a good enough sob story, so I smacked them with a bottle and rowed them over.1,074
You'll help! Wonderful!1,071
That's what I said!1,065
Hey...you're an adventurer, right?921
Nope. It's Braindeath island or nothing. Interested?844
But, alas, my half brother has a powerful ally, the mighty demon...841
When I am reinstated in my rightful place, I will not be a very wealthy man, as my half-brother has squandered my family fortune.814
(Ahem.)781
I am a poor, dispossessed nobleman, forced by circumstance to lurk in the middle of nowhere, soliciting help from passers-by.762
The simple lemon farmers suffer under his tyrannous yoke, and only a brave adventurer can lift his iron boot from the neck of the poor.755
Barrelor is an awesome opponent, and to reclaim my family sword you will need to defeat him, for he guards it within the deadly Trapped Pit of Barrelor.743
Err...Barrelor!742
You see, my fiendish half-brother has seized my estates and forced me into exile.735
Will you help me find my family sword?734
To reclaim my lands I will need to have my family sword returned to me so that I may present it as proof of my rulership.717
Atta boy!715
Wanna give it a shot?715
Yes, the mighty, fearsome, tall, deadly, oaken, round demon Barrelor the Destroyer.710
However, I will gladly give you every bent penny of what is left, and starve in the gutter with my many, many adorable children, if you say you will help me.670
Err...660
Are you ok? You, errr...602
Atta girl!355
Well I'll be more than happy to...256
Want a lift to Port Phasmatys?251
All right. You know that it's going to cost extra to take your friend as well, right?245
Err... sure...237
Certainly. By the way, you have a spider in your hair.229
Sure, turn around and I'll get it for you.227
Would you like a hand with your stuff? You seem to have dropped something.222
All right. I'll need to use my Magical Teleporting Bottle.222
Yes. Just turn around three times, then clap your hands and say the place you want to go.222
Egad! Did you see that?205
I may have a quest, but you don't look like you'd be able handle the kind of monsters I have problems with.145
Oh, it's you again.135
Look, I think I'll wait here for someone a little more... you know...127
So, what brings you down here today?123
Er...119
...heroic.111
Sorry but you haven't solved the puzzle yet.108
Well, it's possibly the weight of all of your expensive items giving you a sore back.100
I'm on a break.98
...slipped and slid into a brick wall.96
...got into a fight with my evil twin.93
...managed to fall onto my boot while I was practicing kicking.91
As a doctor I can tell you that sometimes a bad back can manifest as a headache.91
Nothing...91
...slipped and fell down some stairs.87
Regardless, I can tell you that if you hand me your most expensive items, then the pain will disappear.83
CoughonceyouturnaroundagainCough!83
...hit your head on my oars while I was rowing over.81
Yes I am, he's my cousin.74
...missed your mouth while drinking from a bottle. Hence the bottle-shaped bruises.74
Well, I arranged with all my friends to have a party at his place.72
Are you ok? You, errr...72
I didn't know that someone had swapped the balloons with cannonballs!71
All of them collapsed on me in a horrific, jangling pile.69
I tried to salvage the night by having all the balloons come down...69
But then I humiliated myself by trying to dance with the knights.68
The casualties were horrific...68
Not according to the Official History of Gielinor!66
Twice.66
That was the worst fifth birthday party in the history of the world.64
Every edition... the pictures bring it all back...64
No idea whatsoever.28
Would you like a hand with your stuff? You seemed to have dropped something.25
What?19
Oh! Yes! The demon, with the oppression and stuff!18
No, not yet. Why?16
However, I will gladly give you every bent penny of what is left, and starve in the gutter with my many adorable children if you say you will help me.15
I see...1